Tetsuya Nomura, I will have your blood
by raaadio.starr
Summary: Axel's enjoying a lazy day when Demyx pops in and shows him something that rocks him to his very core and awakens a bloodlust he never knew he had. Language, darlings ! This is mostly my reaction to Lea's character art.


It was a slow day at The Castle That Never Was.

For some reason, there was not a mission to be had in the entirety of the worlds; the Organization members had taken this in stride and merely labeled it a Vacation Day. Saix was compulsively cleaning the castle, Xigbar was hiding amongst the rafters and shooting at anybody unlucky enough to venture into the kitchen, and Roxas was off somewhere, no doubt brooding and sulking on the ledge of some clock tower.

And our favorite redhead? Why, he was doing what any overworked, underpaid agent of chaos would be doing on his day off.

Axel was staring at the ceiling above his bed, trying to imagine what would look better there: a full-blown mural of himself, or a full-blown mural of himself sexing up a certain blond.

Just as he was deciding that checker-board boxers would _always_ look good on a ceiling, Demyx burst into his room yelling, "AXEL, AXEL, AXELLLL! I GOT SOMETHIN' TA' SHOW YOUUUUU!"

"Augh! Demyx!" Axel shot up in bed, "What did I tell you about running in like that?"

"I know, I know, knock first, but your pants weren't down this time, so no harm, no foul. Anyways, this is important! You have to see this!" Demyx wasted no time in running to Axel's dinosaur of a computer, switching it on and booting it up.

Axel hauled himself up, "Dem, what the hell are you doing?"

Demyx, who was leaning over the desk with his face pressed dangerously close to the computer screen, said, "I got an email from Xigbar this morning, and – my god, you still use IE? Get with the times, Axel, it's all about Firefox now."

Axel made a face, "I haven't gotten around to it." In truth, Axel was reluctant to let go of the internet browser that, while crapping out on him many a time, had held up to truest test of iTunes, skype, and porn.

Demyx made a sound of disgust, "Anyways, Xig emailed me and…" he turned to look at Axel and smiled a smile that Axel had learned to be a signal of great calamity or great amounts of ice cream. "You're not gonna believe what they did this time."

"They?"

"They."

Axel cocked an eyebrow as Demyx went back to tapping about on the computer. 'They' signified the odd race of humans who lived in a world alternate theirs, who knew about everything here and used the events that had shaped the lives of thousands for a video game commonly known as "Kingdom Hearts." Axel had nicknamed it "Gaylord Pansy Ass Girly Time." Mostly because of its odd representation of the things that happened in the Worlds and it's questionably feminine art style. Partly because he couldn't get past Agrabah.

"A HA!" yelled Demyx, who was giggling. "Here it is." He grabbed Axel by the shoulders and sat him down, pointed at the image on screen and said, "Is that, or is that not, the best thing you've ever seen?"

Axel was greeted by a smallish picture of what seemed to be two small boys and a smorgasbord of pixels. Demyx made a happy humming sound as he crashed down on Axel's bed and waited for a reaction. Axel looked closer, unimpressed, till he realized that the red hair on one of the boys was oddly familiar.

"What the…?"

Axel leaned forward towards the screen of the computer, squinting at the picture before him. He clicked on it, zooming in, and subsequently gagged. "What the hell is this?"

Demyx laughed from the bed. "That's your somebody's concept art." His voice cracked near the end, and he couldn't restrain the long stream of laughter that bubbled its way out of his mouth. Axel was too busy staring open mouthed at the image to clobber him.

"What the hell is _this_?" Axel screeched again, his eyes wide with horror. "That's…that can't be _me_! No way! Not a snowflake's chance in hell!" He turned to look at Demyx, panic flooding his features, which sent Demyx into another reel of laughter. Axel's head shot back to the screen, and he started to analyze the mess that was 'Lia.'

Lia.

Why the fuck was there an 'I' in his name? "The _idiots_ don't even know my _name_? Jesus _Christ_, I spelled it out for them! A-X-E-L! _E_, you colorblind sons a' bitches! Look at this! Look at it!" He gestured at it wildly to Demyx, who got up off the bed to stand by Axel's side in his time of great need. "He's wearing _khaki_. And what the fuck is that? Is that…Dem, is that a chakram lunchbox? Tell me that's not a lunchbox." His eyes trailed down further, and he moaned, "Oh my _god_, you can see his socks. You can see his black, cholo _tube socks_."

Demyx snorted and coughed, covering his mouth with his hands.

Axel made a choking noise, "He's wearing one of those goddamn scarves, Dem, the ones Roxas is always wearing. Oh, jesus tap-dancing _christ_, it's _yellow_! Who the fuck screened this?! Who the _fuck_ let this get past a _shredder_?!"

"It's…not…that…bad…"

"NOT THAT BAD?" boomed Axel, who rocketed out of his chair so fast it sent the thing toppling. He jumped back from the screen, waving his gloved hands and saying, "Nuh uh, he's not my somebody. I got nothing to do with this kid. My somebody is _God_, not some runny-nosed little—"

"You're fat," squeaked Demyx, who swallowed a giggle.

Axel stopped and flashed back over to the computer. He leaned over, stared at Lia. A few seconds later, he let out a loud whimper. "Oh my god," he said, "_I'm fat_."

Demyx couldn't stop himself from laughing one more time. Axel straightened and yelled, "WHERE HAVE MY BODACIOUS HIPS GONE?! DID THIS FATTY EAT THEM?! SQUARE ENIX, YOU HAVE FAILED!"

He fell to his knees and yelled at the sky, "TETSUYA NOMURA! _I WILL HAVE YOUR BLOOD_!"

And with that, he promptly passed out from a large amount of insurmountable rage.

Demyx merely fell down and laughed some more.


End file.
